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大庄家娱乐城祝教师节快乐——教师节段子
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带起节奏,送来欢乐: \6 K5 k5 F3 {8 h
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" {; G8 z) E& u+ e! \# ~今天是教师节,大家一起来发段子吧!
- f+ J, m- k" q! {9 k9 l5 P- M我先来!
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; n4 x; L4 U1 J% V# Q* L* VA说:“今天考试我交了白卷。”B说:“哎,我也交了白卷。”- L' p5 c1 Z0 N; M" o0 v: l
同学A生气的说:“你怎么能交白卷呢,老师会以为我们抄袭的!”
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深夜,王老师批改完最后一份试卷,疲惫地拧开了收音机,想听音乐放松一下。收音机里传来了dj的声音:"xx中学高三级x班全班同学一同把这首歌奉献给他们敬爱的王xx老师听,感谢他多年来给他们出了无数道练习题(尤其是这年),使他们得到了宝贵的练习机会……"听到这,王老师的眼睛湿润了,心力交瘁的脸上露出一安慰的笑意。dj又继续说:"……现在就让我们一起来听这首歌,李惠敏的《你不会有好结果》…"5 E; a( } `/ x
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- c0 [' {: i2 g5 q+ q, x一位年轻女教师初次执教小学生美术课。她在黑板上画一个苹果问学生说:“这是什么呀?”学生异口同声回答:“是屁股。”女教师哭着去找校长,校长一听大怒,跟着老师来到教室训斥学生说:“你们越来越不像话了,为什么又把老师气哭了?”回头看了一看“啊!还在黑板上画了个屁股!” <span] 老师去吃自助餐] 昨天老妈教弟弟做作业,弟弟不动脑筋思考,2 ^. l9 q* R: U
每道题都问妈妈,妈妈怒了:“你每道题都不会,干脆我帮你做算了!”
1 n3 M9 y3 C' X- I# w2 m% ^, o3 l' i弟弟淡淡地说:“不行!字迹不一样会被老师发现的!” <span] 考场上一女生抱怨说:“老师,天气太热了,风扇都没风!”谁料老师说:“别急,等会儿看到试卷你就心凉了。” <span] 一帅哥毕业后到一所女子学校任教,由于年轻的男老师级少,
7 h( @" v# w! o6 m8 D" Y所以非常受欢迎。1 Q, O* O) P# X! q7 U% J) Z0 H9 e
第一堂课,有一位女学生忘记带课本,帅哥老师请她站起来,
2 g- P% `. ~' w4 h$ r# R+ U, b% m问其他同学该怎么处罚。她们很有默契的齐声说:“老师亲她一个!”2 i6 W, m5 j1 e
大家等着看老师的反应。老师瞄了那位同学一眼,
" K0 v N; g5 x9 W: n# o# p9 ?% W回答:“不可以处罚老师!” <span] 今天听见两个老师在讨论管理上课吃东西的事情说:7 P( [$ w, ]& b/ @! S5 x/ [/ k3 l' V
有个学生老在我上课的时候偷吃瓜子,我毫不客气,见一次抓一次,一抓就是一大把!!!
/ D0 M( T' i) ~6 R不知道是不是我的错,那个上课吃东西的学生,被我抓过几次,但最近一两个月都没看过他上课吃东西了,我整个人瘦了很多。 <span] 一小学教师,最近在学车却不怎么喜欢去练车,教练问:“为什么经常没来学车?”: O# `, n$ s ^2 r6 c
她:“在学校都是我骂学生,来你这边老是被你骂,我很不爽!!!” <span] 上高中嘴馋,几个同学合计买烧烤吃,不想带回来的时候被班主任发现没收了,结果第二天班主任闹了一天的肚子。 <span] 生物老师非洲野猪( d! K+ c' ^) ^6 x+ r" P$ R) |" ]
生物老师正兴致勃勃在台上描述非洲野猪的长相,偶尔眼光一扫台下,竟发现多数学生在打瞌睡。8 E* S1 ?2 O' M/ u1 S3 P) Z
于是大为恼火,喝道:“你们要看着我啊!不看我,你们怎么知道非洲野猪长的是什么样子?” <span] 老师:小明,你的美劳作品太好了,明天学校要派你参加全市的比赛。5 ]& c1 {8 d+ z) N% q& R
小明:不行
( S8 p; ]# M2 b% l) d老师:為什麼?
c8 A% x0 o7 ?. h+ I% K2 W1 }" [小明:劳作是我爸做的,他明天要上班 <span] 妈妈:小明,你看,妹妹考100分,你才50分/ C$ U3 O9 A2 [3 Y; ^7 } I
小明:我是照你的话做的6 J1 J* X& w6 Q# e- E. G
妈妈:我说了什麼?
) d* F( B* L- N" q8 L( ~小明:你说我只要有妹妹的一半就很好了 <span] 小外甥女刚上一年级,有次语文考试得了74分,7 }6 r% E& a0 \) r) v; \
她拿成绩单回来的时候她爸妈很生气,. i% f1 G, W% n: O: c. \
就问你为什么只考了74] 老师:“] 老师:现在上‘急救课’“先做口对口人工呼吸”“这样重复做,会怎样?”; Y1 ?! q2 \+ h9 k. H
小明:有人会告你性骚扰 <span] 小明放学回到家就问:麻麻,你不说女人都喜欢被夸吗?
" ?" E& a' N4 D妈妈说:是啊,为什么这么问?
; H& W- T0 d3 G9 N/ \$ y" [4 P+ v小明沮丧着说:今天老师穿着超短裙来上课,我就夸老师,你的内裤好漂亮啊!
0 F* s' m, @% R( Z" `" v' t9 l* c然后,老师就给我撵出去了!!! * } @) F. O2 @! ?4 b) o$ P
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大家每人发一个关于教师段子在跟贴后面,一起用关于教师的笑话来庆祝伟大的教育工作者的节日。
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